Copyright © 1998-2006 Steve B. Reed
Psychotherapy Center
http://www.psychotherapy-center.com
The pain of loneliness never knew a stranger. It is the constant
companion of many a solitary soul. In this massive urban sprawl,
the shadow of isolation is upon countless individuals. Most of us
have felt the chill of loneliness. Some people even resign
themselves to a life-style of being alone. With so many people
around, it is ironic that connecting has become so difficult.
There are two key reasons this. One reason is sociological and
the other psychological.
For millennia, people lived in small rural villages. They had all
their family and extended family close by. They grew up, went to
school, worked, lived and eventually died with the same people.
They did not have to do anything to become a part of it all. They
were simply born into the close-nit, social fabric of a
community. During the last 100 years, society has undergone
profound changes that contribute to the problem of urban
isolation.
These sociological changes include four main factors. They are:
1. the migration of the population to large cities since the
industrial revolution;
2. the loss of extended family as advances in transportation
create an increasingly mobile society;
3. the breakdown of the nuclear family with the social acceptance
of divorce;
4. and the loss of history with people as close friends move away
to pursue education, jobs and promotions. We have not yet
developed the coping strategies to deal with these radical
changes.
Today people are trying to adjust and deal with loss, loneliness,
isolation, constant change, high-paced stressful jobs, single
parent families, blended families and the repeated necessity of
rebuilding ones social support system. Many people who go into
counseling are struggling with these issues.
One key antidote for urban isolation is membership in caring
groups that you find meaningful and enjoyable. Any topic of
interest is a catalyst around which people collect. You can join
many possible groups. Among them, one of the few instant sources
of caring community remaining in our society is the church. This
institution continues to play a great a role in people's lives,
socially as well as spiritually. In some of my seminars, I
suggest that people participate in at least three groups that
they can feel a sense of inclusion, acceptance and caring.
Membership does have its advantages.
However, not everyone is comfortable joining groups. There can be
psychological reasons that block a person from joining even
though they realize the benefits of a healthy support system.
Some people have traumatic experiences in their family of origin.
The family is the first group in which we have membership. If it
was not safe to be yourself, to have your thoughts and feelings,
with your family it may not feel safe to think of joining any
group.
Others have felt deeply hurt by a peer group that was attacking,
excluding or shaming. Such painful experiences can develop into a
phobia of social groups. If the thought of getting closely
involved in a group seems threatening and anxiety provoking, then
you may be experiencing this type of phobia.
Lastly, even if you do not have any traumatic associations with
groups, if you grew-up with parents who did, you may have learned
to be afraid of groups simply because they were afraid.
Many excellent treatments are now available in the field of
psychotherapy to help people resolve fears of closeness and
connection to individuals and groups. Any traumatic experience
with family or peer groups can benefit from some of the newer
trauma therapies. Treatments that have a high success rate
include the REMAP process, Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT),
and Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR).
Research is showing these methods to be both faster and more
effective than the old ways of treating trauma that rely on talk
therapy alone.
Although these treatments represent recent advances in the field
of psychotherapy, a growing number of therapists are becoming
interested. Those who train in these approaches find that many
long-term problems can dissipate in short order. Rather than
years of therapy, many issues only take months. Sometimes, even
as little as one treatment session can make a difference.
Last year, one of my colleagues showed an interest in using the
REMAP process to treat her social phobia. In less than an hour
of treatment, she was already starting to feel better about her
life-long social fear. As the year went on, she kept telling me
about how much more comfortable she was feeling in groups. This
was after just one treatment session.
This shows that when you resolve these psychological blocks, the
quality of your life can improve almost instantly. This can
clear the way for you to enjoy further improvement in the quality
of your life by just adding people.
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Steve B. Reed, LPC, LMSW, LMFT is a psychotherapist that
specializes in treating trauma and anxiety disorders including
social phobia. He treats people at his Richardson, Texas
office (Dallas area) and through phone counseling worldwide.
You can reach Steve at 972-997-9955 or through his website at:
http://www.psychotherapy-center.com
copyright 1998-2006, Steve B. Reed
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