*** Article: The Power of Appreciation – By Noelle Nelson ***

You hate your supervisor. There--you finally said it. You’ve been
pussyfooting around it (and her) for long enough now. That’s it, you’ve
had it! Let the truth be told--you hate your boss.

Your reflection in the mirror scowls back at you. You sigh, stop waving
your toothbrush around, and stick it back in your mouth where it belongs.
Fat lot of good that did! You still have to go to work today. You still
have to face your supervisor. You still have to go along with whatever she
says.

The worst of it is that you love your job! You have no desire to quit. You
work for a great company, you enjoy your work, the pay is good, you get
along fine with your coworkers--the only downside is your supervisor. But
oh, what a downside! Her automatic answer to anything you want is no; her
automatic expectation of anything she wants is yes. So, you don’t get help
when you need it, you don’t get a recommendation for that new position,
and you don’t get vacation when you want it. You DO, however, have to
respond with, “How high?” when she says, “Jump!”

The question is, how do you keep your job without losing your sanity?

Love thine enemy.

No, not “love thine enemy” as in plaster a phony smile on your face and
pretend that your supervisor is a great person to work with--she’s not!
No, this is “love thine enemy” as in APPRECIATE your supervisor, VALUE
something about your supervisor. Deliberately look for one thing, however
small, that you find worthwhile about her. Maybe it’s that she’s always
straight with you. Maybe it’s that she works as long and as hard as she
expects you to. Maybe it’s that she challenges you to the very limits of
your abilities.

You see, that’s the true meaning of appreciation. It’s not just another
word for gratitude, a polite “thank you” after someone’s done something
nice for you, but appreciation as valuing. That’s actually the basis of
how the word appreciate is used in the marketplace: we say that art
appreciates in worth, land appreciates, gold appreciates--they all
increase in value, and appreciation is first and foremost about valuing.
The thoughts you think, when you are appreciating someone or something,
are thoughts about their worth, their value to you, what they mean to you,
and why they matter.

Back to your supervisor. You know that one thing you found that you can
really, truly value about her? Focus on that. For a couple weeks, as best
you can, every time you see your supervisor, think about what it is you
value about her. If she’s been ornery with you, try to let go of your
upset feelings as quickly as you can and--you guessed it--focus once again
on thoughts of valuing her.

What you think and feel about someone impacts how they think and feel
about you. It’s actually scientific. Quantum physics teaches us that in
the realm of energy, like attracts like. You’ve felt this yourself many
times. When someone’s angry and yelling at you, you’ll want to snap back
in return. When someone is kind and generous toward you, you’ll want to be
giving toward them. Think of appreciation as a wonderful facilitator of
energy. When you genuinely appreciate someone, they become more willing to
cooperate with you.

How will this work with your supervisor? Well, the first thing that will
happen, as you persistently, consistently value your supervisor, is that
your opinion of your supervisor will shift. You’ll realize that she rides
you hard because she really cares about the success of the company. You’ll
realize that she doesn’t like shifting around vacation schedules because
she takes great pride in the smooth running of her department. You’ll
understand that she doesn’t give you that recommendation to a new position
because she wants to keep your good work in her department. As you
persistently, consistently value your supervisor in this way, she will
feel that shift and begin to value you and thus treat your requests
differently.

What about in your home life? Would this same concept apply? You betcha!

For example, when you first fall in love, you may be delighted by your
sweetheart’s mellow, easy-going approach to life, which nicely balances
out your wired, get-it-done-now approach. Six months down the line,
however, when something isn’t happening the way you want it to, you
redefine his “don’t worry, be happy,” laid-back attitude as laziness.

Your sweetheart hasn’t changed, but how you view him has. In the same way,
your “just do it, and do it now” approach was something your mate admired
in you--until it meant that you expected him to do something he wasn’t in
the mood to do (mellow soul that he is), whereupon your decisiveness
became “controlling,” and you become “bitchy.” You haven’t changed either,
but your sweetheart’s perception of you has.

How you view your true love is affected by how you feel in the moment.
When you feel wronged, upset, or hurt by your mate, you are likely to
forget what endears him to you and focus only on what displeases you. For
example, you may ignore how loving your mate is with the kids and focus
only on what a slob he is. Both are true. Your sweetheart may ignore how
well you handle the family finances and focus only on how you can’t stand
the sports he loves. Both are true.

When you focus on what you don’t like, don’t value, or don’t cherish about
your sweetheart, you feel resentment. With resentment comes a diminishment
of love. On the other hand, when you focus on what you do like, do value,
and do cherish, you feel love. The love, or lack of it all, stems from
what you choose to make significant. That’s where appreciation steps in.
If you deliberately, proactively choose to focus on what you value about
your mate as much and as often as you possibly can, you’ll find that the
love in your life just grows and grows. Appreciation is a cornerstone of
love, one of its most important elements.

Science increasingly shows how interrelated we all are and how we affect
each other continuously in both conscious and unconscious ways. Make that
interrelatedness work for you. Value everyone in your life, and enjoy the
benefits of their valuing you in return.

Ah, the power of appreciation!

About the Author:
This article was written by Dr. Noelle Nelson, contributing author to "101
Great Ways to Improve Your Life." Psychologist, best-selling author, and
speaker, Dr. Noelle has empowered countless individuals to be happier,
healthier, and more successful at work, at home, and in
relationships--drawn from her belief that through the power of
appreciation we can accomplish great things. Visit her at
http://www.PowerOfAppreciation.net

Her article above is one of 101 great chapters that can be found in "101
Great Ways to Improve Your Life." This powerful compilation book with Zig
Ziglar, Brian Tracy, Jim Rohn, and Denis Waitley contains 101 chapters of
proven advice on how to improve your life.

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