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Humoring Your Relationships

According to studies done by John Cacioppo, Ph.D., then
at Ohio State University, now at the University of
Chicago, the brain reacts more strongly to stimuli it
deems negative than to positive stimuli.

He found that when people viewed pictures certain to
stir up negative feelings (a mutilated face or dead cat)
there was a greater surge in their brain's electrical
activity than when they viewed pictures that aroused
positive feelings.

This negative bias in our brains isn't necessarily a bad
thing. It probably evolved to protect us from harm.
Over-accentuating threats to our physical and emotional
well being is the brain's way of trying to make sure we
notice and respond to them.

But it can create problems in our relationships. For
example, we're far more likely to remember a time when
our spouse insulted us than a time he or she
complimented us. That means that if you spend 50 percent
of the time arguing and 50 percent interacting
positively, your relationship probably won't work, since
the arguments will have a proportionally greater effect
on you than the positive interactions.

As a matter of fact, researchers found that marriages
were likely to be stable over time only if there was
five times as much positive interaction between spouses
as there was negative.

Couples headed for divorce were those who didn't
have this 5 to 1 ratio and were doing far too little on
the positive side to address the brain's negative
bias.

And what constitutes positive interaction? Rather than
big splashy things like giving someone a surprise party,
it seems to be small positive acts of humor that matter
most.

My definition of acts of humor is: Acts involving
surprise that create good feelings. Acts of humor
include things like giving an unexpected compliment, a
smile, or a hug. People on the receiving end think "Wow,
I wasn't expecting that," and they feel good. If you
carry out acts of humor five times as often as you
argue, chances are good that your
relationship will go the distance.

And remember, this five to one ratio applies to all your
other relationships with friends, family, workmates,
etc. Obviously you can't change other people, and some
relationships may be beyond repair. But the five to one
ratio is the key for maintaining the ones that have
potential.

David Granirer gives Laughter in the Workplace
presentations, helping hundreds of organizations
throughout North America reduce stress, increase
wellness and cope with change. For more information
call (604) 205-9242 or go to http://www.psychocomic.com.

By the way, you can build yourself faster if you choose
right information and do the right things. I recommend
you to read this ebook.

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